Wednesday, January 10, 2007

True Love and Answered Prayers

This past Sunday morning, I experienced something I must share. As usual, I woke early and did my morning writing in my journal. You will need some background to understand where this journal entry comes from.

At the end of 2006, I experienced some pretty difficult situations that left me feeling really alone. A six-month relationship with someone I had really opened myself up to ended. Though it had to happen, it was still painful. In the same week, I found out that my present job that brought me back to the US from Korea wasn’t as stable as was presented to me when I was trying to make the decision to come back. I was at a pretty low point. Now, usually, I am pretty good about dealing with major issues that come up in my life, but when two hit at the same time, it takes me a bit more time to bounce back.

I got through December with the help of holiday visitors and parties to keep me focused. But when I was alone, it felt like a deep darkness was surrounding me, and I was about to be swallowed up, never to be heard from again. With a failed relationship and talk of a failing company, I couldn’t help but wonder why God had brought me back to this. It was a scary time. I made it through keeping up my prayers in my journal.

I don’t usually ask for specific things in my prayers. I trust that God knows what He is doing and that I only need to ask for His will to be done. However, this time, I felt I needed to be a bit more direct.
January 7, 2007

Heavenly Father, you say in the Bible that you will do anything if only I ask. Well, I am asking. Please give me a job here that pays well and that I enjoy. This company I am with is sinking, and I don’t know how to save it. Please Father, in all faith I believe you will make this happen. You know my heart better than I. Your will be done. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen
Where are you, Lord? I am searching for love here knowing that only you can give such love. I see all these people living their lives focused on things here when all that is important is you. Your work is taking place here, but I just don’t see how I am helping that work. Father, love me. Please don’t leave me alone. I feel so alone now. I don’t fit in here. I can play the game well sometimes, but other times I just don’t get it. What good am I here? Am I only hindering your work? Forgive me for questioning you. You are the one and only one I can talk to. I love you. Please feel that. I need someone to feel that. Amen.

Immediately after completing my journal entry, I headed to church for my discussion group, ironically called, “Couples Class.” Although there are many singles in the class, it is still called “Couples Class”. The topic for the morning was “When God Talks to You”. The speaker gave some examples from the book When God Winks at You, by Squire Rushnell, of how God has spoken to people. The group was encouraged to think of ways God had spoken to us throughout our lives. As I sat listening to the examples from various members, I felt I wanted to speak up because God had certainly spoken to me in many situations in my life. Yet, I sat quietly listening to the others in the room tearfully give testimony of their communication with God. Halfway through the class, I sat with a sense of peace feeling that I wasn’t supposed to speak up. When class ended, I exited quickly not to be late for the second service that usually starts immediately after Sunday school.

I wasn’t able to take my usual seat at the left side of the sanctuary that morning because there was no space there. I ended up in a seat in the middle section directly in front of the pulpit. I sat there staring around the sanctuary as if it were my first day there. Although this new seat was only a few feet from where I usually sit, the difference in the angle gave a whole new perspective to the service. The ministers proceeded through the usual announcements and a special message from a visiting minister from Honduras. During the Children’s Church part of the service, I usually look up and read the passage highlighted for the day in the worship folder. This day was no different. However, when the time came for Rev. Moor to read the passage, I soon realized that I had gotten the verses confused and read a totally different passage. By the time I realized what I had done, someone else on the pew had already taken the community Bible on the back of the pew. So, I just sat and listened to Rev. Moor read the passage. I had no idea what I was in for when the message started. I listened as Rev. Moor gave commentary on the passage and started his message. Then, suddenly, he said, “I love you and you are precious to me.” My heart suddenly perked up as if he were talking to me. Strangely, he repeated these words again. I looked at him, and he looked right at me. I then looked around wondering if anyone noticed he was looking at me. Then, as he said these words again, I remembered what I had written to God in my journal that morning. There was no one else in that sanctuary at that moment. Rev. Moor was the physical form speaking, but he wasn’t the origin of the words. Like all those examples I had heard in Couple’s Class, I was an example in the making. I was overwhelmed with love. God was answering my earnest prayer, and He kept repeating it until I remembered what I had asked for. He got my attention.

There are those out there who, like me on that Sunday morning, wonder where God is. And there are those out there who search for love in relationships and friendships. Hard work is put in and time goes by, and the disappointments we face harden us to a true love that is just waiting for us to accept. We hesitate to give someone love because we don’t want to get hurt. I hesitate even now because I know that I will be disappointed. I even hesitated writing to God that I loved Him that morning; I wondered how I could truly love someone I don’t even understand. Then I searched deep in my heart and realized that I do love Him, truly. He is the only one who has been through all of my life experiences, my ups, my downs, my darkness, and He still remains. He knew me even before I was born. Why shouldn’t I love Him? That morning I felt that love, and I wrote to Him to make sure He knew. I pleaded with Him to know that I love Him. In a world where people don’t accept love, I needed Him to know that a true love exists in me, and I wanted to give it to Him. So, I wrote it confidently. And you know what? He replied. Right there in the middle of the sermon, in the middle of all those people, He told me He loved me and repeated it until He knew that He had my attention. He told me He loved me and that I was precious to Him. He then told me that He would take care of me. All of this came in words through Rev. Moor, but they were words intended to answer my earnest prayer that morning.

Who says God doesn’t answer prayers?

3 Comments:

At 1:27 AM, Blogger Y.B said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 1:28 AM, Blogger Y.B said...

Thank you for your writing. Your writing is so inspiring! God knows your heart and He will show His miracle when the time is right... All we have to do is just be patient and believe in His timing.. Even when our circumstances don't go our way, don't let that get us down. Go Ron Go

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Danifesto said...

Wow! Great message and something so many of us need to hear Ron! Thanks for such an inspirational story. Gives me hope that God listens to us in our time of need.

 

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