Core Values and How to Make Them Work for You

I have been wrestling with the idea of writing for most of my life. If you are just discovering my blog, here is the link to get you up to speed on things.  

I have journaled for over thirty years. Beyond that, I have written spontaneous bursts of inspiration on everything from blank journals and, yes, even napkins, to capturing these missives on the last pages of my current journal and progressing backwards so I wouldn't lose these bursts within the many pages of the journals. And as you have, I am sure, already gathered, I am talking about actual journals with line-less paper and pen. Yeah...I know. 

 Doing the writing is not a problem for me...NOW. But that didn't come easy.  It was only after many years of doing everything I could do to...well...to excuse myself from writing anything that wasn't mandatory for a grade, a job, or a career. In January of 1993 when I committed to writing, it was a commitment made to myself simply because I was on a study-abroad program in my junior year of college, and I wanted to have a chronicle of my time overseas. And, prior to leaving for London, I found an old journal in my dad's study that had never been written in. With its slightly worn edges and yellowing pages, it was the perfect piece of vintage vessel to hold all my adventures in good ole vintage England and ancient Europe. It was one of the last items I packed before leaving, and it has been with me since then. 

That vintage journal, as well as all the other ones of similar size, have accompanied me throughout life capturing all the ups-and-downs, the forwards-and-backwards, the rights-and-lefts, and the rights-and-wrongs (well, most of them anyway...). They have detailed all the changes of direction, and all the mundane-ness, and all the nonsense that makes up days in the life of me. And just now, on September 4, 2024 at 9:30 pm,  at my desk at home in Atlanta, Georgia...while writing that last sentence, I was compelled to stop writing. And, I rested my face in my hands to brace for impact.  

As the realization articulated itself in my mind, my lips mimicked the words, one by one, gradually becoming clear in my head, "A long, long letter to myself." 

I was overcome with emotion, and with face in hands, I let the moment have its time and space. There was such a warmth that seemed to fill me from within, and at the same time, seemed to feel as though I was being embraced--in the throws of a tight hug one might experience after reuniting with someone who has been away for a long time. Wow, that was powerful!

That was a poignant moment. And like most poignant moments that you read with  colorfully described the surroundings, intricately explained movements of the protagonist, or the overly decorated and adorned Victorian adjectives with the deepest, darkest innuendos imaginable, they draw you in and keep you coming back for more.  It is a familiarity you enjoy, and in a way, it builds a distant, but strong, bond with you and the writer. 

If I did well in explaining that emotional moment, you, the reader, experienced it "with" me, the writer; the same or similar emotions, but at different points in time.  There must be a name in physics to explain this phenomenon. It is what keeps readers going back to their favorite writers' works. But I digress. Back to the place we first diverged from topic: the poignant moment. 

Normally, I would excuse myself from writing after such experiences because they exhaust me. They exhaust me because anyone who self-recognizes as a mere mortal would feel the same if touched by "the spirit," or feeling truly in-spired. That in-spiration happens to me randomly.  It comes, and it goes without announcement, and without notice. That is why I have spent a lifetime getting prepared to stay prepared to write...whenever that may be. More on that later. 

I have spent years, in preparation, trying to find the best spot in my home, to find the right pen with the right ink cartridges (yes, I still write longhand, but that is another blog entirely.), to find the right lighting, to find the right time of day, to find the right mood, to find the right paper, to find the right clothing, to find the right cup of "whatever," all to be prepared to get "whatever it is" in me that needs to be expressed, out of me, and leave me the hell alone. It hasn't, and it won't. A fact that is quite clear by this very blog. 

Now, you might think I am being hyperbolic or being dramatic just to add a bit of intrigue to attract more readers. Trust me; I am not. Remember, my commitment to write was for me, and me only, right from the start. So, I thought, "what does it matter what I write? I will be the audience," or the reader, more specifically," so as long as I use my own words, and explain everything from my viewpoint, I will be my own successful writer."  This is only one of many internal struggles I dealt with, and am still dealing with, in coming to terms to write. 

Apparently, I was rather enjoying being entertained by myself, (jeez, this sounds weird, but bear with me...)(not bare, for those of you quietly questioning my use of the phrase, because that would be even weirder...) because I started writing more details, more experiences. Even after returning from my study abroad, I continued to write daily. And I started describing more details about how I felt in more places and about more experiences. After writing each entry, which had increased to multiple times daily, I would close my journal with a smile. Along with that smile, which felt somewhat mischievous for some reason, came a tight squeeze (or hug if you will) to my journal. I had become my own best friend. And my new best friend and I shared secrets. We were sharing in total trust, total loyalty. Life was good. 

Well, no sooner had I gotten comfortable writing about more places, and expressing more personal details, than people who knew me started asking the same question. A question that my new best friend and I had only just resolved "What if someone reads it? What if you lose it?" After some time went by, much of it filled with me explaining to others why I journal, and why I am not afraid of it, an answer formed in my mind that genuinely explained away my fears. 

If someone decides to read my journal, it would be to his or her peril for two reasons. 

1. What they read will only make them want to read more. And they will have more and more questions that only I can answer. But they would never tell me they read it because it would be a betrayal of trust between friends, or family. So, I will never know, but they will live with that guilt. No pain for me; much for them.

2. If they tell me that they read my journal, trying to make amends for this betrayal of trust, then it would spark a conversation that would allow them to ask their questions, and for me to answer them. This is a gamble for them because, depending on how the conversation goes, this friendship may continue or it may not. What will be revealed, whether spoken or unspoken, is the reason for reading the journal in the first place.  Is there something they thought I was hiding to compelled them to search the journal? Were they trying to find something in my journal that would explain reasons for their behavior? 

Regardless of the reasoning, is that a risk someone really wants to take? The answer to that question tells  you, almost immediately, what type of friendship you share with that person. And only you can answer that question for yourself. 

All of this is to explain where I am today. I am where I am today because I have taken the time to identify and articulate my own core values. If my journals have been anything at all, they truly are a very long, compassionate letter to my future self...at any point in time in the future. And through this letter, I have been able to identify what my core values are.  One of the most important strengths of knowing these is the commitment you make to yourself to uphold those values. And one way of doing that is sharing them with your core group of friends and family. 

Whether you are a part of my close group of friends and family, or not, I am sharing my core values with you here because I want to give you an example of the work I have done. Each core value is numbered, and they are followed by a brief explanation or articulation. As you read through these, jot down any question you may have for me.  I know how powerful knowing this information about yourself can be.  And I will share what I have learned on core values because we are at a time in history when we all need it. 

So, here you are...

My Core Values

1. To be aware and grateful for my life’s purpose, to be responsible for all that falls under my custody, and to be empathetic for all with whom I cross paths.
Because everyone, everything, and every action is a guidepost leading the way to know and to fulfill one’s purpose in life.


2. To live with integrity.
To ensure that everything I do whether in the eyes of others or only in the eyes of God, is aligned with these core values, which will instill a confidence in me that no stone was left unturned in reaching the conclusion that led to my actions. 


3. To cultivate healthy, supportive, long-lasting relationships.
To always stay aware that what one’s eyes see, one’s ears hear, one’s heart feels, and one’s mind thinks are fallible and should be comprehensively scrutinized before deciding on a final position. By following this frame of mind, healthy, supportive, and long-lasting relationships will form naturally. This core group of peers, though fluid and expected to change, will at some point align with one or more of these core values.

The journey is seeking, cultivating and maintaining peers that make up this core group with constant vigilance of and willingness to acknowledge when none of the core values of the parties involved align.

The test comes when one must decide whether or not to sever ties with those whose values no longer align regardless of the type of bond, the length of that bond, and any fear and/or uncertainty deemed as inevitable due to that severance.

The ultimate indicator of success in this process is the absence of any anger, animosity, nor any attributes of negativity toward those with whom one has parted. 


4. To be inspired by, and to be an inspiration for, others.
To maintain the awareness that true inspiration, important guidance, and life’s endearing lessons can and will reach you; you need only to be open to receive them regardless of messenger, medium, and or method. 

5. Regardless of whom I’m with, what I do, or what I have, strive to leave each of them better than when I found them.
Do nothing to cause others to stumble; only help them along their way. Do nothing to hinder a process; only provide improvements to help it succeed. Do nothing to devalue anything; only care for, and perhaps enhance it to increase its value. 

I welcome your feedback. 

Thank you, 

Ron