The Election 2024
Over a month has passed since my last post. And I must admit, my motivation for sharing much of anything, much less my thoughts on this topic, has waned considerably since September. Beyond back-to-back health issues that continue to be a deterrent, and beyond a whole other range of interferences that plague my mind daily, I find myself in the middle of a mental space quite foreign to me. A consuming, dark space that I’ve observed others to be in, but that I, myself, had only witnessed. A space that if left uncheck can be the downfall of even the strongest among us. A space called apathy.
Just like everyone else, I've had my fair share of dark times. And like many others, I failed to heed the warnings of “placing all your eggs in one basket,” and poured myself into one endeavor after another, nimbly jumping to another for support (mental, emotional, financial, etc.) when the other’s support wasn’t as strong as before. This little dance seemed to be going pretty well -- And by pretty well, I mean at least between nimble jumps, I was able to find some firm footing before another jump was needed--until four years ago when one by one, the “other” and then another, those “others” began to fall like clockwork. Friends fell away. My job increasingly seemed to be on shaky ground. And four years ago this week, the first fracture (obvious indications of, that is) in my family began to appear. And to close out that year on a 360-degree bang, November packed its Thanksgiving punch with a second attack of GBS, the first attack being 34 years earlier when I was 14.
I was numb by December. Each day as I navigated the challenges of managing a team remotely during a pandemic, I searched and searched online to see if there was a link between COVID and GBS. When that wasn’t occupying my time, my mind would jostle between thoughts of, “Is there anything that hasn’t failed?” and “DON’T even think about what else could go wrong!” Fortunately, being quarantined at home indefinitely, I found respite in listening to books during any free time I could muster. History seemed to be my mental oasis, and I consumed book after book on presidents, on world history, and on American history. But this respite, as cherished as it was at the time, found its way to be next on the chopping block as politics began to consume more and more of my media and my free time.
The more I watched as Trump and his so-called administration slowly but surely tried to rip the very fabric that made the USA, the USA, the more I couldn’t believe how no one was concerned. Friends, the very few left, would call to check on me, and invariably the conversation would turn to politics. And I would literally be slack-jawed, speechless when after explaining the latest destruction of Trump and his pack of wolves in DC, I would hear, “what are you talking about?” It was like I was describing a movie this friend had never seen before. Yet, this movie was playing over and over again in every book I listed to, in historical documentaries I watched, and now, in the very news we all were watching each day. However, it was like everyone, but me, had taken some chill pill, and watched seemingly without a care. And there was a very small part of me that envied this “without a care” feeling. But that soon vanished in the gravity of the seriousness that was happening all around. It was a crisis. And if there was one thing I was assured of, it was strength in times of crisis. It had never failed me, and it seemed to be holding true at that time. It was what came afterward that scared me.
So, here we are: the afterward. Everyone is back to work. The presidency was saved by the 2020 election results. The economy is booming like never before. Everyone is enjoying life, vacations, etc. Hell, even I took part in that by going to Spain in May for two weeks. I never felt more alive while zipping all over Mallorca and through the streets of Seville on a scooter.
Though the family split apart by accidentally revealing how they truly felt, and have always felt about me, other family stepped in and showed me what unconditional love really means. I am forever grateful to them for that. They are what keeps me going here in the “afterward.” This is when I shut down. And during this “shutdown,” I am left with the essentials. I am left with taking care of only me. I am left with putting the oxygen mask on myself so that when the time comes round again, I will be able to help them with theirs.
This shutdown has lasted longer than I expected it to. But I have to remember this “afterward” has followed an unprecedented crisis that took much away from me. And remembering this is in no way a time for self-pity, but it is a time of reflection. And after so much loss, this reflection is a time to assess what needs to heal, to assess what needs to change, and to assess what direction to go next.
Although this shutdown is far from over, we are at the end of one of the most important presidential campaigns this country has ever witnessed. Next week we will go to the polls to decide if we are going to keep this fragile democracy or if we are going to give it up for an authoritarian system of government. This morning over breakfast, I watched Yulia Navalnaya, widow of Alexei Navalny who was killed by Vladimir Putin earlier this year. A knot grew in my throat and my eyes welled up with tears as she answered questions about her late husband, and answered questions about her views on the upcoming US presidential election. She, and those supporting her, must shake her head in disbelief at how naïve we US Americans are by even considering for president anyone who praises an authoritarian leader. Complacency will be the culprit if we lose this democracy, but apathy will be to blame.
Before I mentioned the first fracture in the break that was my family happened four years ago this week. The superficial explanation for that fracture was centered on politics. I was wrongly accused of sending a barrage of political texts to the family. In actuality, I sent one text in the spring of 2020 and one text just before the election in the fall of 2020, and both of those texts encouraged the family to research the facts about the administrations before they vote-don’t simply vote based on what someone else says. I was offered an apology after I pointed this out. Though this situation ended up breaking the family apart two years later, not because of the superficial explanation, but because of how that part of the family has always felt about me, it did reveal something very destructive that has been and still is growing rampantly in our culture. Equating politics with something taboo that should not be discussed with family members, with friends, with coworkers, and well, with anyone frankly.
The problem is not politics, but how we discuss politics. Let me give you an example of just how destructive this situation has become. I was asked to deliver a training session earlier this year to a very prominent client of ours who stressed the importance of company culture and company values. This training session was on resolving conflict. This is a new company so instead of focusing on conflict resolution, I decided to change the focus to navigating conflict. To do this, I needed to give the trainees tools to be prepared to face any conflict in the workplace.
What is conflict? Conflict happens when opposing sides of an issue are not able to agree or find common ground on that issue. A majority of unresolved conflicting situations remain unresolved because the focus changed from resolving the issue to winning the fight. To win the fight without a focus on the issue means you’ve won the battle, and you may win a few other battles. But with the focus moving to winning fights instead of staying on resolving the issue, both sides may win many fights. However, the issue remains resolved and thus, both have lost the war. No one wins. I wanted to change this. I wanted to equip my trainees with the tools to stay focused on the issue and argue their points so that the other side could see their position. Fighting ends in total loss. Arguing leads to common ground and hopefully, resolving the issue.
I set out to do something I knew would be controversial. However, I trusted my ability to manage the classroom and manage the trainees’ understanding so that we would have a positive outcome. So, I started the session by discussing the differences between arguing and fighting. I taught them how to decide on the issue. Then, I taught them how to support their position with justifiable evidence. Finally, I taught them how to stay focused on the issue while persuading the opposing side to see their position. And before lunch, we were able to decide on an issue, split up into small groups, prepare for arguments, and finally, debate in multiple small teams in front of the whole class whether Apple or Android is better. The debates were light-hearted, and by the end, we were all discussing our own views on the topic. No problems. So, just before breaking for lunch, I announced that for the entire afternoon portion of the training, we would split up into small teams again and debate the upcoming presidential election. The room fell into complete silence, and I let that sit for a brief moment. Then, I broke the silence with some encouragement. I told them that they had learned all the tools they needed to face conflict in the workplace. What better place is there to practice using those tools than in a safe environment with new colleagues on a topic that is banned everywhere? But a topic that is fundamental to all of us at the same time.
After lunch, opposing teams used the tools we learned in the morning session and argued their positions. With six team members on each team, they had to come to a consensus on their team’s position for the debate. This immediately allowed the team members to have autonomy on the topic individually. Also, as the teams argued their positions and stayed focused on the issues, the class became more interested in the discussions. And I must admit, even I learned some things about the opposition that I didn’t even know. By the end of the session, conversations were happening, and people were pleased with the outcome. I asked them how they felt. Several team members stood up and remarked how smoothly the debates went. One even commented that I must be a miracle worker because no one would ever attempt to do such a thing with a class of 40 people new to a company. And the class gave me a standing ovation. I thanked them, but immediately explained that I didn’t do anything but give them the tools to work the miracle that they are claiming I did. I reminded them to remember this one thing for any conflict they face: if the focus stays on the issue, arguments will lead to success; if the focus changes to winning, fighting will lead to failure. Arguments lead to agreements; fighting leads to failure.
This session was the last session before my two weeks in Spain. I left feeling like I had done something successful, not only for the company, but for society as a whole-small as it may have been. What 40 people experienced might grow to hundreds or thousands. I felt good about what we had done. But that feeling wasn’t to last. As soon as I returned from Spain, I learned that I had been pulled from the project because one person in the conflict navigation session felt uncomfortable and contacted the company’s HR. And because this client is the largest client we have had, and we are a third-party training organization, we must abide by the company’s decision. I have only one thing to say about this, and then I will leave it where it is. If we cannot learn how to communicate with one another on key issues that impact our lives, then are we communicating at all?
I encouraged my family to research the policies of the candidates before making their decision on voting. And I was shunned by my family for being controversial. I taught my trainees the tools they needed to successfully argue their positions for any topic, and I gave them a safe space, and successfully navigated that space with them on a controversial topic so they would be prepared for anything in the workplace. And I was shunned from that project. What has our culture become if we are discouraging people from discussing topics that are uncomfortable? What has our culture become if we are not encouraging our children from discussing uncomfortable topics with family members or friends? If no one discusses the issues we are faced with, who is going to help resolve those issues? Those issues won’t be the focus. Winning the fights will instead.
So, against all I should have learned about encouraging people to do this or to do that, I encourage you to do the following:
- Read “On Tyranny,” by Timothy Snyder
- Read about “The Children’s Ship,” a program by the British government to evacuate children during WWII
- Watch all the Trump rally’s you can find on your media source
- Research all that the Biden administration has done in four years and compare that to the previous four years
- Watch any documentary on the fall of Rome
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