Solitude

By the title, you are probably thinking that this entry is going to be some sappy, tear-jerking essay about the pain of being alone. And before I came back and read through my previous entries, I probably would have written such. It is amazing how we learn from ourselves while talking to others. If we listen close enough, we might just hear those tiny morsels of God's voice that comforts us in everything.

These days, solitude seems to be the theme in my life. While others are not around to engage in a conversation that might allow me to hear those morsels I mentioned above, my journal is around and those delights are ever so present.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox wrote:

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth;
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

I used to get so depressed and experience deep bouts of loneliness until I read the ideas of Thomas Moore on the melancholy in life. He explains in Care of the Soul our perception of these times in life needs to change. We fear times of depression and loneliness because of the darkness that surrounds such emotions. I guess even as adults we are still afraid of the dark. Moore encouraged me not to be afraid during these times because change is taking place. Something within is calling out for change and is using these emotions to get our attention. Moore stresses that this is the time of our true self with no distractions.

In the passage above, Wilcox describes what happens to others when we are in pain through depression and loneliness. One might read this poem and develop a cynical attitude toward the world. After all, why shouldn’t we have people around us to comfort us when we are down? Well, the answer is those comforters would only be a distraction from the area where true attention is needed. Taking time to listen or just be silent in these times of darkness is really all that is needed.

These days, I am experiencing the darkness of loneliness. Immediately, the human side of me wants to cast blame here and there to explain this calling to darkness away. But the spirit side of me knows it is time to just be and listen. There are still bouts of tears that come, thoughts that try to explain why, and guilt that scolds. But in the end I know that these are only the final bits of human fighting to stay alive while the spirit is calmly waiting-waiting to be the only thing left-the only thing real.

It is a good time to be alone. The leaves are about to change color and fall. The temperature is turning cooler. Fall is in the air. I am going to ride this out and see what change happens. I am going to just be and listen.